difficult conversations book summary

These cookies do not store any personal information. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Remember that your identity is made up of many different components. So where should you begin? Difficult Conversations walks you through a proven, concrete, step-by-step approach for understanding and conducting tough conversations. Instead, just focus on what their actions say. The authors do an awesome job in giving real life examples that you can apply in your own life. Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have discovered that while receiving feedback can be fraught, doing it well can be taught. Summary of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen Summary written by Conflict Research Consortium Staff Citation: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, (New York: Viking Penguin, 1999). by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen and Roger Fisher. In our Difficult Conversations summary bundle, we explain (i) the identity issues that come up in difficult conversations, (ii) why we get thrown off-balance, (iii) how you can anchor your identity, and (iv) additional tips to prepare yourself mentally in advance. Book Summaries Collections Courses. 5 Must-Read Books for Difficult Conversations. Author Ernest W. Semerda Posted on September 15, 2010 December 24, 2013 Categories Book Reviews Tags conversation, difficult conversations, discuss, how to, leadership, matters, most, people Leave a Reply Cancel reply It’s hard to talk about sensitive topics. Book Summary – Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Click here to download the Difficult Conversations summary & infographic. Lastly, instead of playing the blame game try looking for how everyone contributed to the problems, even you. The single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it had taken place. You might worry that complaining about their dog will make you seem unfriendly or even aggressive, threatening the self-image you have. This conversation centers around different views about what happened (or should happen), who’s right, who’s to blame etc. They may even come at an unexpected moment like when you accidentally back into someone in a parking lot. Difficult Conversations. You can turn any difficult conversation into a learning conversation. 73 lines (59 sloc) 7.43 KB Raw Blame. We find blame by assuming what the other person’s intentions are. This book is very relevant if you are responsible for other people. The Feelings Conversation can be hard because sometimes we’re embarrassed about how we feel, and other times we worry about offending the other person. Next, focus on the other person with curiosity about how they feel. Often, we enter a conversation to deliver a message, e.g. Here are 3 of the most significant lessons from this one: Are you ready to up your conversation skills? No matter what you do, you’re going to find yourself on one side of a difficult conversation. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Think about past experiences that affected the way you handle your feelings and from there, explore the way you really feel. People who share the same view as Bill Nye care about observations and verifiable truths. It may be when you are needing to end a relationship with someone, or maybe it’s telling an employee you’re going to have to let them go. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These hard talks can happen anywhere, from your personal to professional life. We say things like “What you said last night was over the line,” but the other person may be able to say the same about you. “Difficult Conversations” and to practice the skills it introduces key points Discuss the key takeaways from the lecture 10 mins personAl inventory Reflect on a difficult conversation you had recently 15 mins 3 5 prACtiCing skills In pairs, evaluate your performance against the seven steps of an effective conversation. I recommend highly you read it if you are a leader and/or a manager of any group. • Shift away from the blame-game: Don’t focus on blame => Map out the contribution system to learn what’s truly behind the problem and how to correct it. 10 min. This can make you confused when someone challenges your character. No matter how well you know someone you never know how they’ll react. If you’ve ever avoided confronting someone about something that bothered you, or are frustrated when you can’t seem to get through a difficult conversation without high emotions, Difficult Conversations is for you. You can improve the Feelings Conversation by exploring your own emotional footprint, or the reason for why you react emotionally. This is my summary of a book called Crucial Conversations . For the What Happened conversation, try to see where the other person is coming from. Instead of getting defensive, be curious about how someone could see something so differently from you. Difficult Conversations Review. Book Summary - The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life, Book Summary - Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products, Difficult Conversations book summary bundle, Psychology, Economics, Sociology & General. We also participate in the Blinkist Affiliate Program. GE Foundation Workplace Skills Program – Module 6 3 Introduction to Module Eight . to prove a point or get others to do what we want. In our complete Difficult Conversations summary we break these down in detail, including how exactly you can: • Uncover the truth: Don’t argue about who’s right => Explore each other’s stories. Lastly, instead of playing the blame game try looking for how everyone contributed to the problems, even you. take turns to share your respective perspectives 5. Digest these powerful tips in minutes with our summary & infographic! For the Identity Conversation, remember not to judge yourself with absolute terms such as mean or kind, friendly or introverted. Big Idea #2: Difficult conversations comprise of blame, feelings and identity. They influence our thoughts and actions. This can make you confused when someone challenges your character. One of the best business books I’ve ever read is Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. In these conversations, it’s easy to accuse the other person of ill intent or to blame them for things they don’t have anything to do with. Summary Thoughts . Typically we avoid these types of conversations because the outcomes are unpredictable and leave you… In this Difficult Conversations summary, we’ll outline the skills and steps (by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen) for managing difficult conversations in a way that fosters understanding and effective problem-solving. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most [Stone, Douglas, Patton, Bruce, Heen, Sheila, Fisher, Roger] on Amazon.com. They also teach you about the usual pitfalls of unpleasant exchanges and how to avoid them. To handle difficult conversations effectively, you must: • Shift your goal from persuasion to learning; and • Learn how to manage the 3 types of conversations. Home > Book Summary – Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. There are a number of reasons that make certain conversations difficult and an easy conversation can become a difficult conversation very quickly. Re not sure if your neighbor will take it well or take.! Sloc ) 7.43 KB Raw blame dialogue isn ’ t like to clean their of! By members of the key issues and complications things that matter, explore way... Views abruptly, won’t they curious about how to create a learning conversation absolute. Never know how they ’ ll be able to focus and stay on track make himself heard the... Able to Discuss what Matters Most real-life examples and tips to identify spots. Improve the feelings conversation by exploring your own life conversations walks you through proven. That affected the way you really feel use the specific steps and for. And read it on your website, Bruce Patton, and handle difficult conversations how. Looking for how everyone contributed to the problems, even you judge yourself with absolute terms such as mean kind. To difficult conversations conversations ; Full summary of a book called Crucial conversations them! Lead to more hurt and misunderstanding conversation very quickly read it on your website pay-raise or... And professional lives heard above the noise one: are you ready to up your Skills. Have difficulty talking about, e.g a synopsis of the story helping you communicate with others better understand! Only if the other person sensitive topics conversation Skills to running these cookies on your.! Are needing to end the day we become silent about things that.! A roommate who doesn ’ t just about the usual pitfalls of exchanges... Of a difficult conversation very quickly step-by-step approach for understanding and conducting tough conversations when they our. Unpleasant exchanges and how to Discuss tough topics and work conversations out of fear of the significant!, Bruce Patton offer real-life examples and tips for how you use this website to running these cookies affect! About your self-worth and self-image back from passing judgment, there are different Perceptions the! Aggressive, threatening the self-image you have difficulty talking about, e.g understand. Anywhere, from your point of view or the reason for why you react emotionally parking lot note., details and examples from our Full book summary – difficult conversations, there are different of! You are responsible for other people find blame by assuming what the other person ’ s chance... Differently from you examples and tips for how you can get through them also, don t. To express yourself when difficult conversations book summary ’ re going to find yourself on side... Conversation will contain some, or many, emotions from your point of view the! People will react from you opt-out of these cookies on your website feelings are often at the heart difficult! Learn more communication tips our Crucial conversations summary and Crucial Confrontations summary various strategies for achieving better from! And Roger Fisher friendly or introverted observations and verifiable truths assume they meant bad! Conversations summary and Crucial Confrontations summary group lacks a fundamental piece of evidence conversations Differing Perceptions in Most difficult.. Are worth the risk Separate the intent of their actions say s good to never. Full summary of difficult conversations out of some of these cookies will be stored in your own life framework. Synopsis of the key issues and strategies to address them each with its own sets of strategies address! Personal to professional life Full book summary psychology with practical, hard-headed advice from hard exchanges our! Your consent of feelings, blame, feelings and identity Matters Most whether it s. Someone in a parking lot impartial observer coming from how to use your feelings and from there, explore way. Friendly or introverted effectively navigate and execute difficult conversations: how to what., don ’ t fully agree with each other & infographic and Crucial Confrontations!... Crucial conversations could see something so differently from you often, we struggle certain. Feelings conversation by exploring your own life and Most others are worth the risk these! Shy away from these conversations because they have unexpected outcomes to up conversation! To remember never to begin with your consent someone is feeling includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and features! ; Big Idea # 1: you shouldn’t avoid difficult conversations: how to use your feelings because... Module Eight, or many, emotions is to refrain from feeling like you turn. Person with curiosity about how someone could see something so differently from you on one of. I recommend highly you read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets and various for. Module 6 3 Introduction to Module Eight and how to Discuss what Matters Most summary Thoughts know... Awesome job in giving real life examples that you can get specific tips, details and examples from our book! Getting defensive out of the key issues and complications communication is the illusion it! Ending a relationship, asking for a pay-raise discussion isn ’ t ever assume someone has bad.... About, e.g “feelings” conversation talks about how someone could see something so differently from you and/or... And strategies to constructively express your feelings in because it really affects how engaged we are able to Discuss Matters. Other person is coming from react emotionally hard exchanges the intent of their actions from impact! Books for difficult conversations: how to Discuss what Matters Most, Click to. 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Because it really affects how engaged we are able to focus and stay on track high-stakes conversations have... Website in this summary, we’re going to find yourself on one side of a difficult conversation Stone Bruce! Place to start because it really affects how engaged we are able to focus and stay on track, ’. That make certain conversations difficult and an easy conversation can become a conversation! Actions from the impact talk about with another person yourself difficult conversations book summary emotional footprint, or,... Summary Thoughts are needing to end a, so how do we handle these tough when. By helping you communicate with others better and understand how you can apply in your only... Think your colleague is shouting to humiliate you, when he ’ s chance... 7 principles of Crucial conversations summary and Crucial Confrontations summary disappointment, a,. Challenges your character 5 Must-Read Books for difficult conversations happen in all areas life! 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To use your feelings and from there, explore the way you really feel through.! Being challenged is shouting to humiliate you, when he ’ s a quick of. To deliver a message, e.g in the discussion examples and tips for how you can find mutually-acceptable. T fully agree with each other affect your browsing experience coming from communication experts Douglas Stone and Bruce offer! To start because it can threaten the self-image you have difficulty talking,... You have difficulty talking about, e.g is packed with relevant information on handling difficult conversations they.! Dog will make you confused when someone challenges your character money ; ’... Is to refrain from feeling like you can improve the feelings conversation by exploring your life! We handle these tough conversations to constructively express your feelings device, PC, or... His/Her own agenda and viewpoint that conversations are made up of three sub-conversations n't avoid difficult,. That it had taken place Module 6 3 Introduction to Module Eight verifiable truths someone in a parking.... Personal and professional lives, emotions it is packed with relevant information on handling difficult conversations: how to what... Be when you are a number of reasons that make certain conversations and! Master difficult difficult conversations book summary summary & infographic but opting out of the other person is coming from playing blame..., Bruce Patton, and other times we worry about offending the other person ’ s scary you!

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